My Paleo Experiment

The Paleo Diet, Hunter-Gatherer Diet, Primal Blueprint, Caveman Diet...all different labels for the same way of eating.

First off, let me start by saying that the word "DIET" is a four-letter word in my book. It immediately conjures up ideas of restriction, hunger, bland food, calorie counting, weighing and measuring, cravings, deprivation...the list goes on and on. Nothing on that list is good or appealing or healthy in any way. So why the hell would I subject myself to a "DIET"? Have I lost my mind? Do I need to call my therapist and pop a double dose of Zoloft?

We all need to eat. Our health, longevity, and vitality depend heavily upon what we eat. It is important for us to do our best to make healthy choices. Defining a "healthy diet" is highly controversial and often debated.

To some extent, what is healthy for one individual may not be for another. Gluten allergies, peanut allergies, and lactose intolerance are just a few examples. And certainly, the food pyramid published by the USDA is faulty at best. There are claims that the USDA was (and continues to be) unduly influenced by political pressure exerted by food production associations.

I believe wholeheartedly in the concept of "Intuitive Eating" but, for most people, eating intuitively is a nearly impossible task. We've lived our entire lives being told to clean our plate, eat at certain times and at particular intervals. We ignore our hunger and satiety signals. There are social pressures to eat when we aren't hungry and deprive ourselves when we are. A lifetime of those forced behaviors can be nearly impossible to overcome.

As a fitness and healthcare professional, I find that most people are confused about nutrition. Because of my previous obsessions with dieting I did a hell of a lot of reading about nutrition, and yet, even as a nutrition geek, I struggle to find that balance between health and hype.

Today, I come from an entirely different perspective about food than I did a few years ago. The concept of making any food "off-limits" or to label anything "bad" is a frightening concept. I know that doing so can lead to restriction and disordered eating habits, so I am highly suspicious, and therefore feel obligated to carefully research any "diet" or way of eating that bans a particular food group. The Paleo Diet was no exception.

I know that, for myself, there are certain foods that make me feel good and strong. There are foods that make my skin look clearer and the whites of my eyes whiter. There are foods that improve my workouts and help me sleep better. On the other hand, there are foods that make me feel sluggish, increase my cravings for sugars and starches, make me break out, retain water, and feel crappy.  I know these things intuitively from listening to my body and observing my reactions to foods over time.

So, why did I decide to try this...(excuse my french)...diet?

I am not a person who gives advice that I would not follow myself. I believe in most of the concepts behind the Paleo Lifestyle, but haven't immersed myself in living those concepts yet. I know that for any diet to be successful, it has to be easy to follow, satisfy hunger, and be tasty. I'm a total foodie...so tasting good, not boring or mundane is super important to me.

As we all know, exercise is an important part of being fit and healthy. But let's not be naive. Outside of the 3-5 hours you exercise per week, what are you doing with the other 165 hours? You're eating! Well, hopefully not ALL 165 of those hours, but you get the idea.  That's why an exercise program is never enough to see real, honest-to-goodness body and health transformation - and why knowing how to eat well is so vital to changing your life and your health.

As a fitness professional and a past client of a lot of personal trainers and nutritionists, I have figured out that there is a great deal of bad advice being doled out.  And, as a result, I want to see some very necessary changes in the fitness industry.  Knowing how to help change a client's eating habits will be what separates the "personal trainer" from the person who changes lives. I want to be the latter.

So, the experiment begins tomorrow...How will eating Paleo make me feel, look, and perform? I'll keep you posted!

I am not a runner. Or am I?

Sunday morning was beautiful. We had our first rain in quite some time. Just enough of a sprinkle to clean the air, settle the dust, and cool the temperatures. Perfect for a morning run.

My friend and I had planned to do a trail run in upper park, but the change in weather made her Sunday morning lazies kick in. I pushed myself to get out the door and run, sans running partner or iPod.

I'm not a runner. I don't really enjoy it. It doesn't come naturally to me. Running is hard.

As I ran, I made a conscious effort to settle into a comfortable pace. I concentrated on being relaxed, regulating my breathing, and taking in the outdoors. For one hour, I was given a space devoid of walls, watchful eyes, and expectations.

Then it hit me.

Our limitations are self-imposed.

Running is hard because I tell myself it is. I don't enjoy it because I tell myself so. It doesn't come naturally because I try to keep someone else's pace versus my own. I focus on the negatives. These negative thoughts are self-limiting.  You alone have the ability to cast off those self limiting thoughts that restrict you from getting to where you want to go and be who you want to be. 

Listen to the recording that you are playing in your brain. When it goes off track, back to those self-limiting thoughts that create doubt, inaction and a lack of self-confidence, you need to put your thoughts back on the positive road to success.

If you always put a limit on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. ~ Bruce Lee


A fear of failure blocks progress and causes limitations. Feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, dissatisfaction, or impatience are destructive to our goals, be they fitness goals or otherwise.

I have a past rooted in rigorous and unhealthy dieting, over-exercising, and an obsessive tendency to beat my body into submission. I was never "good enough". Questioning our "good-enough-ness" only limits us. We are what we think we are.

During that Sunday morning run, I focused on releasing those subconscious blockages. It took some serious effort to calm and stabilize my mind.

"Crap. The chubby guy with the big belly is keeping the same pace that I am. I need to speed up!" "Oh, hey, there's a hot, muscular guy with his shirt off doing pull-ups on the par course. Faster!"  Um...NO and NO.  Back the truck up! I'm doing this for me, no one else. I'm not here to battle with myself, and running is not the enemy.

If you make an effort to change the internal dialogue, it will, in turn, change the focus of what you want. But it needs to be practiced. There is no fast way of doing that. The main key is being able to recognize it and do it before getting sucked into the vortex of self-doubt and negative thought.

I enjoyed my Sunday run. So much so, that I plan to make it one of my nature-centered rites of physical passage on a regular basis. My meditation.

I am a runner. Who knew?!

“Hey! Are you getting ready for any competitions?"

I was a Figure competitor. I now like to stress the word WAS. For a long time, it was my identity. I couldn’t go anywhere without seeing someone I knew and being asked the inevitable question, “When is your next competition?” Of course I always had an answer. There was always at least one or two in the works for the near future. After all, who would I be if there wasn’t a competition to work toward? What the heck would I do with myself? And God forbid…how would I answer when (not “if”) I was asked “Are you training for anything?”

I’m not a Figure competitor anymore. I am proud of that time of my life, but not for the reasons you might expect. Being a Figure competitor built me up, broke me down, crushed my soul, and helped me grow as a human being…arguably more than any other experience I’ve had throughout my life, thus far. I’ve learned more about myself than I ever imagined.

While I was a Figure competitor, I defined “fitness” as “how you look in a swimsuit” rather than “the power to do”. I’d look around me during a competition and see a lot of women who were driven as hell. They didn’t know where they were going exactly, because the destination is largely fictitious. They were out of fuel and running on fumes; their bodies crying out in distress with adrenal dysfunction, chronic fatigue, disordered eating, and stress-related illnesses. Nevertheless they were determined to white-knuckle the steering wheel of that bus right over the cliff. I say “they”, but that totally included “me”!

Look around you. What do you see? Do you know any women who are actually 12% body fat? Do you know any women who’d leap on stage in a bikini and high heels? Do you know any of these legendary creatures who are amazing mothers, driven career women, lusciously taut and muscular, perfectly pleasing daughters and BFFs — and not insane or heading for a nervous breakdown? Sure, they probably exist… somewhere.

I tried like hell to be all of that. Funny thing is, this world is mostly imaginary.

I eventually had to ask myself: Who expects you to do all this shit? To be all this shit? 

Ask yourself: Who is The Expecter?

Your friends? They’re probably thinking about themselves.

Your coworkers? They’re probably thinking about fantasy football and stealing pens from the supply cabinet.

Your partner? S/he probably (hopefully) thinks you’re awesome the way you are. And s/he wishes you would see that in yourself.

Your kids? Depends. If they’re under 10, they probably think you’re God. If they’re 10-20, they probably think you’re an idiot. If they’re 21 and need help setting up a mortgage, they probably think that you’re not so stupid after all. In any case, they don’t notice your abs.

The Expecter is YOU. A narcissistic, self-focused you.

So let’s say you get those abs or that perfectly tight, firm, cellulite-free ass. Let’s say that magical number appears on the scale. Then what? Are you going to be happier? Ask the Magic 8 Ball… signs point to “no”.

It took me a while to come to the realization that being a Figure competitor was not making me happier. In fact, those were some of the darkest moments of my life. Sure, I was taut, tan, toned and 10% bodyfat. But I was miserable.

But I was really “fit”, right? BULLSHIT! I was a malnourished, weak, starving, shriveled up piece of beef jerky! There’s nothing fit about that!

So- what am I now that I am not a Figure competitor? Where the heck is my identity? How do I incorporate “fitness” into my life these days?

I am a Work In Progress! I am on a journey for balance…not the “stand one-legged on a Bosu Ball” kind of balance…but a life balance that leads to happiness. I struggle with body-image issues, eating for pleasure and self-medication versus eating to fuel my body, putting “too much on my plate” in terms of activities, responsibilities, food, and self-punishment, as well as depriving myself of life’s simple pleasures such as rest, relaxation, and fun.

I am re-thinking my definitions of “fitness” and “strength” and “health” and “beauty”.  My definitions are constantly evolving, and I plan to explore and contemplate those definitions throughout this blog. I hope you’ll join me on my journey.